I thought as we entered week 4 of quarantine that it would get easier. Yesterday was a particularly hard day. I woke up with a pit in my stomach that still remains today. I had an overwhelming sense of sadness. A heaviness engulfed me –feelings of anxiety. Am I doing enough for my family? For my students?

It was such an uneasy, terrible way to feel. It was very uncomfortable. It is not a way I am use to feeling. One solution to this was to take a virtual yoga class hoping to instill some calm. And it did…temporarily.

I believe things happen for a reason. The teacher started and ended the class with a quote that really stuck with me. It was a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. I share it here with you and with shope that you will return to it, as I will, when times are rough.

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year. He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety. Finish everyday and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in. Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day, begin it well and serenely with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. This new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations to waste a moment on yesterday.”

So today was a new day and a day full of hope. As I walked today with my girl, I noticed the blooming signs of spring. Appreciate the sounds of the river and the happiness of dog sniffing around. I will go forward next week with an openness as I set the intention that every day will be the best day.

I committed to this writing challenge. I hoped it would make me a better writer and a better teacher of writing. I am not sure of either of this happened but I enjoyed the challenge none-the-less.

I have learned that I can set a goal and complete that goal. I am so proud of myself for writing every day sometimes even when it was late at night. I got it done!

So now I ask, “What’s next?”

I am taking these prompts from another writer.

What am I watching: My nights are filled with Schitt’s Creek (if you need to laugh, it’s an absolute must watch), Tournament of Champions on Food Network, Top Chef, Law and Order, SVU (I could watch this all day, every day)

What am I listening to: Insight Timer. Insight Timer is a sleep app. I especially love to listen to the sleep meditation, Bone Deep Sleep.

What am I doing: Trying to develop a schedule for my days of Connected Learning, trying to develop a more consistent yoga practice, trying to have lots of walks with my girl

What am I cooking: Nothing spectacular. One of the grandeur plans I had for this time of quarantine was to do more cooking. This is not as easy as I thought…a trip to the store is not as commonplace as it was in days past. I want to be creative with my menu but maybe when I have developed a better schedule(see above).

One thing that this quarantine had done for me is get me to watch Schitt’s Creek. I had been putting it off and putting it off. When I tried it before it just didn’t appeal to me.

Let me just say that it is a nice change of pace. It is a mindless distraction.

Every cast member is brilliant and play of each other perfectly. The subtle quips keep coming.

The show follows The Rose family. They were a wealthy family from LA who loses their entire fortune. The only thing they have left is a small town called Schitt’s Creek given to them as a gag gift.

I highly recommend this binge worthy show to provide you with a break from the news. You will thank me.

My cleaning ladies quit. I know this doesn’t sound like a big problem especially in light of what is happening on the world at this moment. It was a luxury that I was able to afford myself. It helped me to take something off my plate. I didn’t have to spend my entire weekend cleaning.

One of the small joys would be coming home after school on a cleaning day and inhaling the fresh lemony smell of cleaning products. The house always looked so good (for a short time anyways).

So in the midst of figuring out Connected Learning, I had to figure out how I was going to add cleaning to my already long list of to dos. My first step was to search exactly what needed to be cleaned in the house. I didn’t want to miss anything. Then I typed up a cleaning checklist. It had all the tasks that need to be done in the house by rooms. And by the way there are a lot of things that need to be cleaned.

Which brings us to today. I spent the better part of the days cleaning and scrubbing and disinfecting the first floor. Just the first floor. I will admit there was a feeling of satisfaction when I finished but boy was I tired. It’s a good thing that I had no plans tonight…LOL!

Plans for Sunday…the second floor and maybe (but probably not) the basement. Going forward…searching a way to breakdown the tasks over the week ….and trying to find new cleaning people.

Today I took my daily walk with my girl. We were walking on the trail. It was a quiet and reflective walk. I was listening to the sounds and looking at the scenery as we walked. I saw a spot in the distance that reminded me of my childhood. It was a wooded area with a small stream that flowed through it.

When I was little, I had a routine with my dad on Saturdays. We would get up and load the car for the dump. My daughter thought that was so funny. “What was a dump?” She asked. I told her how we would load up the back of our station wagons with the garbage from the week. We would drive to our local dump and back the car up to what looked like a big valley. We would throw the trash into a big gaping hole. I know it sounds strange but I loved it. It was something we did just the two of us.

It was just me and daddy and my German Shepard, Ginger. Our own special time. It wasn’t just the trip to the dump that I remember. I was what we did after.

We would drive to these woods and go explore. We would jump over logs and skip rocks in the stream. Then we would cross the stream using rocks that sat just above the water. My dog would run ahead making sure everything was ok and then run back to us.

It’s a time I remember fondly. It is those memories that will pull us through these times.

Busy day
Started with 24 smiling faces in Morning Meeting
Google Chats with parents and students
Meeting with colleagues
A mid-day nap
The warm sunshine
The daily walk with my girl
First night of grad school
Exhausted but finally done
Cozy in bed
Watching Grey’s Anatomy
One week down
We got this

I have decided not to count the days but make the days count. One way I will make my days count is with daily walks with my girl. We started walking when we had to social distance. It started as a need for exercise for both of us. But it has turned into so much more. So when she asks me every night if we can walk the next day, the answer is and always will be YES! I will make time to walk with her everyday.

It is so nice. We chit chat the whole way about nothing and everything. It make me happy to laugh with her and be silly, to make her laugh with my silly dances in the street. She snapchats pictures of us that gets her many likes which I am learning is a sought after goal. She shares with me little tidbits of gossip. We talk about old times and remember whens. And did I say we laugh. Her laugh fills me with joy. It is so important that we laugh. That she laughs. When we get home, I am happy and re-energized.

I know that when we get back to real life this will change. There will be no more stolen moments to walk at any hour during the day. But I will cherish the time we have and take every moment I can.

Make the days count. Don’t count the days.

Had a great day yesterday. I was productive with work, took a yoga break and then even did an online boot camp. I was thinking this schedule could really be good for me. Then my body started to ache. “Must be the exercise.” I thought to myself. But the aches were not from muscle soreness. They were flu aches. Then the headache came on and the chills. I’ve had a cough as well. Not a dry cough and no sore throat both of which are telltale signs.

As I went to bed burning up and feeling terrible I immediately thought the worse. “This is it. I have the IT.” But then my rational side stepped in . “How could I have it? I have not been close enough to anyone.” And then that irrational little voice spoke up. “Was it the walk at the reservoir, the mail, the packages? What if I have it? What would happen to my husband, to my kids? “

Of course, I woke today feeling just fine. I think it was physical manifestation of the stress of what I have been holding onto over the past 2 weeks.

This is the reality of our lives now. Every cough or news report comes with the worst thoughts. The news is not giving us any hope of this going away anytime soon. We have lost so much of what we took for granted and it is time to grieve the loss of our old lives.

So, take the time to grieve the loss of normalcy, safety, connection. Maybe once we grieve our current situation then we can come together to figure out how to find balance and focus on the gifts this time may bring us.

How long can she keep calm?
How long can she keep her emotions in check?
How long can she keep her OCD in check?
How long can she not see her friends and be social?
How long can keep in control?
How long can she stay isolated?

My daughter had struggled with OCD and anxiety for most of her life. Her anxiety often presents itself in the form of anger. She has worked hard in therapy to develop strategies to calm her emotions. She has worked hard in therapy to overcome her need to wash her hands and wash her phone with exposure. And now she has to go back to cleaning and washing all the time and this is causing her anxiety which is causing her to be angry. I hope that this Covid-19 won’t set her back.

My daughter had worked hard in the gym for the last two years. It has been her outlet for her emotions and energy. And now that is no longer an option of her. She is very rigid and can’t adjust her workouts to match the social distancing necessary for this time. I hope that this Covid – 19 won’t set her back.

This is a tough time for everyone but for kids and adults like my daughter it offers new challenges. I hope I can offer her calm in the storm. A safe place.